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Monday, April 30, 2012


Alex Kintner, 10, of Mayfair Court in Amity, was killed earlier today before a crowded beach of witnesses by what appears to have been, according to a press release, a “viscous and unprovoked shark attack.”

Kintner had been floating on a rubber raft in the water amongst a crowd of other swimmers at 2:00 p.m. when the attack occurred. No body has yet been recovered, though the raft was seen ashore damaged from bite marks. Marion Kitner, the victim’s mother, is at Amity General Hospital being treated for shock.

This incident comes right on the heels of one reported earlier this morning. The mangled body of Chrissie Watson, 17, of 23 Sharktooth St., Amity, was discovered washed ashore on Monday morning, two days before Martha's Vineyard's annual 4th of July celebration.

Police reports said that the body was discovered on the beach, “severely mauled”, by Amity Police Deputy, Jay Hendricks, after a call reporting the girl missing. No charges have been filed in the case, and police investigations are ongoing.

The press release from the Amity Police Chief Martin Brody states, “...shark attack has not been completely ruled out”, though beaches shall remain open pending a full investigation. Watson's attacker is being described by the police report as being of “unknown origin”. The body has been transported to Medical Examiner James Wiley's office for further analysis.

Watson was reported missing at 6:00 AM this morning by former island resident, Christopher P. Hoggenbottam III, a sophomore at Trinity College.

Chief Brody addressed a press conference later in the day on Monday saying, “We send our best wishes to the family of young Chrissie Watson and we are truly devastated that something like this has happened. Nothing of this nature has happened in Amity in years and year. We are doing everything within our power to investigate this matter.” Condolences were further offered in the most recent press release to Kintner family, as well.

When questioned about the possibility of a shark attack Brody responded, “I doubt it could have been a shark. Watson's body was discovered high up on the dunes. There is no way a shark could have gotten the body that high up on the dunes.”

The chief's lack of concern was not echoed, however, by members of the press, as more questions about a possible shark attack followed. One reporter inquired about rumors of possible bite marks on Watson's body, to which Brody replied simply, “We don't know”.

The current press release issues less unsure statements, as it now appears certain that Amity is dealing with a shark that is attacking swimmers. A meeting will be held by the Mayor's office and the Amity Board of Selectmen at 6 p.m. today in Town Hall to discuss the closing of the beaches for the fourth of July. The Kintner family is offering a reward of $3,000.00 for capture of the perpetrator, which is apparently a killer shark.

Monday, April 2, 2012


Fluffy, the ten year old Romanian spotted leopard belonging to the Durham Zoo escaped sometime during 9:00pm and 7:30AM Tuesday night and is still at large.

James Petronkis, 36, of 34 West St in Newmarket NH was the first to notice the missing wildcat. "I knew something was wrong right away." Said Petronkis, adding that he loved Fluffy and visited her daily at 7:30am.

Petronkis noticed that the area where the leopard slept was vacant, where normally there was a nest of straw. "...there was no nest" he said, "there wasn't even any straw."

Petronkis told the zoo security, who he claims ignored his initial warning, but eventually discovered that he was telling the truth.

Police chief William Blair released an early statement; "Fluffy will be shot with a tranquilizer gun. But if necessary we will shoot to kill." He added, "We're gonna find this cat if it kills us".

Kitty Smith, the zoo's chief biologist, warned anyone who encounters the escaped cat to "get slowly to the ground and lay still." The cat, she says, may do a lot of sniffing and licking but will not likely attack unless she senses fear. "Be especially careful", she said, "to avoid eye contact."

Fluffy is black with white spots, weighs 146 pounds, and can run a top speed of 60 miles per hour. She was to be flown to China next month to mate with a male spotted leopard owned by the Chinese government. Fluffy is one of only five known spotted leopards in existence.

Fluffy is extremely dangerous, and should not be approached.